This is how you spell love to your spouse

Reblogged from here

A couple of weeks ago, Gail and I had the privilege of attending the Love and Respect Conference in Dallas. It started on Friday evening and ended Saturday afternoon. Emerson and his wife, Sarah, taught it. They are both excellent communicators.
Although we have read numerous books on marriage and attended many seminars, this one was truly unique. In fact, it is probably the most helpful one we have ever experienced.

In the book (as well as the seminar), Emerson quotes a paraphrase of 1 Corinthians 7:28: “If you marry, you have not sinned, but you will have trouble.” Unlike Hollywood, the Bible is very realistic. Marriage is difficult, in large part because men and women are so different.
Emerson explains “The Crazy Cycle” in both the book and the conferecne. I found this particularly helpful: Without love, she reacts. Without respect, he reacts. The husband and the wife then unconsciously get trapped in this cycle of reacting to one another rather than giving to their partner what they need.
Emerson uses two acronyms to explain to men and women how to provide what their partner needs. To the men, he uses the acronym of C-O-U-P-L-E to remind them what their wives need. This is how you spell love to your wife:

• Closeness—She wants you to be close.
• Openness—She wants you to open up to her.
• Understanding—Don’t try to fix her; just listen.
• Peacemaking—She wants you to say, “I’m sorry.”
• Loyalty—She needs to know you’re committed.
• Esteem—She wants you to honor and cherish her.

To the women, he uses the acronym of C-H-A-I-R-S to remind them what their husbands needs. This is how you spell respect to your husband:

• Conquest—Appreciate his desire to work and achieve.
• Hierarchy—Appreciate his desire to protect and provide.
• Authority—Appreciate his desire to serve and to lead.
• Insight—Appreciate his desire to analyze and counsel.
• Relationship—Appreciate his desire for shoulder-to-shoulder friendship.
• Sexuality—Appreciate his desire for sexual intimacy.

The book is very balanced. Both partners are responsible for the health of the relationship and either one of them can take the initiative to break out of the crazy cycle. This book provides readers with both the motivation and the tools to do so.

When I Don’t Feel Like It

A Testimony from Kim…

When I am feeling lonely, discouraged, frustrated, and disrespected in my marriage, and totally unloved by my husband (of twenty five years), I focus on God's command to respect him ANYWAY. I focus on the truth that my respect will bless my husband ....regardless of whether or not he responds with the love I need from him. I remind myself that I am to respect him in every sense of the word…I know that God is blessed by my obedience. I know that He smiles and blesses me when I trust Him with my heart and feelings. In those moments, I know that my reward will be in heaven.

While storing up treasures in heaven feels great, that is NOT what keeps me going! I do not use respectful behavior as a sort of "works" to win brownie points with God. Not on my life!

When I trust God to protect my heart and fill my love tank in the face of disrespect, when I step out in faith and positively apply respect when I don't feel like it or don’t feel my husband deserves it, when I obey my Father's command to respect, I feel peace and love. A sort of warm little hug of encouragement to hang in there from my heavenly husband. That is what keeps me focused on the Rewarded Cycle! And those little God-hugs remind me to dwell on the times my good-willed husband has responded to my respectful behavior in amazing, incredibly loving, God inspired ways. (Kim)

Taken from the Respectfully Yours DVD study Posted by Emerson & Sarah
  
Sursa articol: aici 
Sursa poza: aici